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You have an intriguing story thus far.

However I do have a few things to comment upon.

If you are indeed looking to publish this I would elaborate on the terms vulpine and ursa

I know what they mean but not everyone does. Character description is key especially in a fantasy/scifi world.

for instance is Rifel brown, black, white, albino. he could be anything however the reader only knows what is on the page not what is in your head.

you also have a few issues with slipping over into telling what is occurring rather than showing.

look at it like a painting and chose the words to describe it accurately. Try doing so with pictures on this site (with the artists permission of course) It will help you get better at it.

and as for future animal-sci-fi Take a look at Breed to Come by Andre Norton. It has a similar premise but yours seems far more broad in scope.

I do rather like your way of writing fight scenes, the added detail would help a great deal more with visualizing what you are trying to convey.
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KyleLambert Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Professional Writer
This first chapter is more of philosophical one.
The next parts of the book are more descriptive in terms of appearance and actions -- I went heavily poetic and symbolic on this first chapter.
I only describe what the reader needs to know -- and at this point in time the view of the entire scene should be a little foggy in their mind -- much like the view over the outlook. Does that make sense?
It was also previously stated that Rifel has white fur and Duncan has black fur. I also let the reader know what an ursa is by switching it up on occasion with bear.
I will try to do the same for fox/vulpine.
Taking in all the feedback I have gotten -- I need to describe the characters more -- and I will do so in the continuation. :)
MLAproduction Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Student Digital Artist
that makes sense. I was treating it more as a first chapter than a prologue.
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